A+ for Apple

The iPhone4 makes me dizzy during the first week I used it. The rapidly swiping pages up and down, left and right was too fast for my eyes. I also didnt like the computer style keypads as I now sms at least 3 times slower than when I was using dictionary texting on Nokia phones.

However, besides the easy interface for FB and emails, there are a few applications which I really liked:

1. SG NextBus and SG Buses: Predicts the arrival times of buses near where you are or specific buses at an user-input location. But they are not very accurate, usually predicts longer arrival times than actual.

2. ShowNearby: Use it to find nearby ATMs, bus stops, carpark, clinic, hotel, petrol station, and even supermarkets. Can become very useful when I am in need of something urgent.

3. Gothere.sg: I like this the best.. tells you the best way to travel from A to B, the cost and time required, including peak hour traffice considerations, erp charges and waiting time. There are four methods of travelling: By Bus, MRT, Cab and Drive. Shows directions for the cabby drivers too.

4. SG malls: Good for calling up shops to check whether certain stocks are available, prevents one from making a wasted trip.

5. Shazam: Tells you the song wherever you hear it, at shopping malls, on radio, on someone's ipod in the mrt..

Besides being a bit bulky and heavy, I essentially have no complains about the phone. Camera is good and easy to use. I should not be able to get lost anytime as long as I have the iPhone.

In any case, stupid people need smart phones.

妈, 我回來了

Today I passed by Crystal Jade @ My Bread and Desmond asked me if I want to buy some 老婆饼. Crystal Jade makes the best and tastiest 老婆饼 in town and is also my Mum's favorite snack.

My first response in my mind, ya why not? Then after one sec, I realised she is already gone. It is a weird feeling but subconsciously, to me, she is still alive.

Mum's cancer relapsed in Oct 2009, two months after I was admitted to ICU. But because of my critical condition, I did not know of her situation. Whenever she visited me, she was always cheerful and looked healthy. I did not suspect anything. I got to know her condition only in Aug 2010 when I was discharged from hospital, just one month before she passed on.

I remembered her during her last week of ordeal. She could not eat, or sleep or pass urine. Due to liver failure, her skin and eyes were completely yellowed by jaundice, her feet swollen and she barely had strength to speak. Her breathing was laboured and occasionally dropped a tear.

On her death bed, everyone was around. We took turns to talk to her, out of which my father's speech touched me the most. Although she could not respond, I knew she heard what we said to her.


During my illness for the past year, my father visited and took care of me everyday, and she would be at home, alone and lonely. She did not complain, despite her health going downhill. She sacrified her life, for me. If not for me, my father and I would be at home, taking care of her and supporting her. If not for me, her health may not detoriate so fast. If not for me, she may have less stress and worry and they would become a catalyst to speed up for relapse. I feel really really sorry.

I thank God for letting me come home in time to support and see her before she go.

妈妈, 我好想你...放心去環遊世界吧

The Begining of my Ordeal

10 months of long silence, I am finally back.

For all the dear friends who have been encouraging me through this ordeal, and for my own personal keepsake, I have decided to record down as much details as I can of the events that took place for the past year.

On the morning of 7th August, the last 4th day of my H1N1 quarantine, I felt exceptionally terrible. I was breathless in bed and even grasp for breathe when eating breakfast. We immediately revisited the GP who would later refer me to NUS for a more detailed checkup. The GP suspected bronchitis.

As I arrived at NUH, my condition deteriorated quickly. Immediately put on a drip and taken blood and X RAY, the medical officers confirmed that my lungs are "infected". I had to be admitted. I remembered sms-ing Desmond who was waiting in the visitor lounge to inform my parents that I will be hospitalised for "a few days" for lung treatment. I was not worried as I was not supposed to be the H1N1 high risk group. My GP has said that I can recover without taking Tamiflu. As my SpO2 was not healthy, I was transferred to Ward 26 - Medical ICU for further observations.

I kept coughing all the way to ICU. My lungs felt like flooding up and I was very breathless. When I finally get hooked up to monitors in the ICU, my phlegm started to dispel out. Coughing became more and more tedious, more and more intense. This continued for a short while, when I coughed out a mixture of water, phlegm and blood. At that moment, I felt that my lungs are totally blocked, I cannot breathe through my water soaked lungs. I half shouted to the nurse "I cant breathe!".The last I can remember is that I turned around to look at the SpO2 monitor which showed 75% (Anything less than 88% is dangerous). I then fainted.

I cannot remember anything after the above event, as I was placed under sedation and ventilator to help my lungs to breathe. Subsequently I was told that I has a major operation to remove the water and blood clots in my lungs and heart. The operation was on 8th August 2009.

How I hoped that that will be the end of my ordeal. Unfortunately, a few days after the operation, my heart and lungs were still unable to function on their own as they were badly infected by the virus. As such, I had to be placed on an ECMO machine ( Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation). A simplified explanation of ECMO (from Wiki):

"An ECMO machine is similar to a heart-lung machine. To initiate ECMO, cannulae are placed in large blood vessels to provide access to the patient's blood. Anticoagulant drugs, usually heparin, are given to prevent blood clotting. The ECMO machine continuously pumps blood from the patient through a "membrane oxygenator" that imitates the gas exchange process of the lungs, i.e. it removes carbon dioxide and adds oxygen. Oxygenated blood is then returned to the patient.."

This procedure was considered as the last resort as there will be many complications which may arise from its use, such as stroke, excessive bleeding etc. This treatment was continued for another grueling 2 weeks. If my condition deteriorate during this period of time, I will staring right in to the eyes of death. Furthermore, ECMO has never been a proven safe method.

The next moment which I could recall, is when I was semi-conscious. I had a very long nightmare which I can remember clearly even until now. The nightmare was about how I was captured by a group of masked terrorists and brought to a faraway land. For most of the time, I was tied up, gagged and tortured. The nightmare ended when my sister brought the terrorists up in a flight and threw them one by one off the plane. A real sadist dream but not as cruel as the reality.

Sometime in late August, I woke up from my long sleep. Lying motionless on the bed in CT ICU, I could not move my whole body, I could not speak and I could not eat. Countless tubes were attached to my nose, throat, limbs and body. I was using a ventilator to breathe and there was a trachea hole in my airway. I could barely open my eyes. I felt very, very exhausted.

I saw my family and Desmond around me. If I had the strength, I would have cried.

I am Positive

It has been 3 months since I last blogged. But I have never wanted to have so much at hand such that I have to blog about it.

I fell terribly ill last Thursday, finding myself at 39.2 degC at one point in time. The clinic at AMK Ave 4 did not help me much.On Friday, I cant get out of bed, due to a bad low back sprain. I had to half limped half walked to NUH where I received two painful painkiller jabs and was placed on 3 packets of drip. I had both my chest and lower back x rayed and blood tested. I have not had so many things happened to me in just one day for a long time.

On Sunday, my fever did not subside.Visiting my GP at Margaret Drive led me to do a throat swap for H1N1. I was given more cough, phlegm and fever medicine and was given another 4 days of MC.

Today, the GP called me to confirm that I am H1N1 positive and I need to quarantine myself until 11th Aug. Already been locked up in my small room for the past 5 days, this news is really cruel. I have not finished my lectures, tutorials and revision. I had missed my gown fitting at Sophia's. I missed the JC gathering with Joyce who just returned from Dubai.

I am going crazy soon.

The worse thing is I have to ensure I keep the virus within me and my small room. My parents belong to the H1N1 high risk group and I cannot afford to let them fall ill.

I need to learn to live like a lone ranger. Learning to have my own personal cup, bowl, plate and cutlery. Having my face mask on at all times. My own tissue box and rubbish bin. My own thermometer. My own toilet. No TV for another 7 days.

This is terrible. Glad that I still have facebook and youtube to keep me alive.

Story-Telling

Yesterday I was reading to Paige when I was babysitting her and Matthew.

I read three stories, "The Ugly Duckling", "Rapunzel" and "The Enormous Turnip". It could have been more if not because I was too tired to read more. Story-reading, contrary to common beliefs, IS tiring.

Maybe it is because my command of English has dropped. It has been more and more difficult for me to summarise the story lines from 3 paragraphs to one. To think that it is only a children's book.

Maybe it is because I was fascinated by the stories which I have lost touch with for a really long time. As I read, it seemed the story differs quite a bit from the version I read more than 20 years ago.

Maybe I was trying too hard to think of the morale of the story. I feel that a story is never complete without telling the child what is the story really trying to teach us. Especially for "The Ugly Duckling", I felt accomplished after educating Paige to love everyone beyond their looks.

It was tiring babysitting them. But it was also very enriching to story-tell.