2 weeks ago, I went for a day surgery under local anaesthesia to close up my trachestomy hole, which is also known as a fistula. Although the hole is only less than 1cm in diameter, surgeon had to cut open a larger hole at my thorat in order to stich up the gap. Normally this done under general anaesthesia due to possible pain and trauma patients have to go through.
However due to my weak heart, GA is not a possibility, so I went for LA. Doctors warned me that if I can stand the pain halfway through the operation, I need to signal them to stop and they will make me go under GA. Well, there is no way I want to be under GA, as a breathing tube will be inserted to help me breathe and I dont want to go through that again.
But the LA experience is not as bad as I thought. Despite feeling hallucinated (because I was given sedation), there was not much pain during the surgery. The feeling is like being fed with illusion pills, and you see people sweeping by in front of your eyes, you hear muffled sounds, but you dont know what is happening to you.
A day after the surgery, it was great pain and misery for me as LA ran out of effect. I cant speak, eat or even slightly open my mouth. But after enduring all that, Im so glad that the hole now is healing properly and I can also speak and breathe better now.
Yesterday I saw my heart doctor again. I was told I had an artery which was fused with a nearby vein and some blood is seeping from artery to vein as a result. That condition is also called a fistula. It was a result of the vascular catheter insertion at my neck during my stay in ICU early this year. Well, the heart doctor didnt know what to do, but referred me to a vascular surgeon on 23rd Dec. He will then decide whether I need to go for yet another surgery to separate the artery and the vein.
I was very depressed after hearing that. The miserable feeling of getting hospitalised and going under the knife came back to haunt me, once again.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Flight or Fright?
Today, Desmond went for his third referee assignment for Asean Basketball League in Brunei. He had been to Indonesia twice last month and this time was a refreshing change to Brunei. Apparently there is no direct flights to Brunei, because "Brunei is not a very pro-tourists country" as quoted by Papa.
Anyway due to officiating assignments, Desmond has been busy travelling to neighbouring countries this year. Besides a few sessions in China in 2008, he has been to Malaysia, Indonesia. Myanmar, Philipines and now Brunei.
Sounds pretty fun to fly? Not for me. Actually I'm not so sure when I will have a chance to fly again. The last time was... erm...in 2006 to Bangkok for shopping? Ya it was that long ago. With my weak lungs and heart now, it will be even more dangerous to fly, due to the low air pressure during the flight.
I was reading the SMS diary which Yanli compiled for me during my stay in hospital, yesterday. It collected all the SMS updates with vivid descriptions which Desmond sent to Yanli and the girls during my most critical moments from Aug 2009 to Jan 2010. To read all that I have been through proved too much for me and I ended up trembling in fear. But reading it made me cherish what I have even more than ever.
So, it ok not to fly la. At least I can walk quite fast now.
Anyway due to officiating assignments, Desmond has been busy travelling to neighbouring countries this year. Besides a few sessions in China in 2008, he has been to Malaysia, Indonesia. Myanmar, Philipines and now Brunei.
Sounds pretty fun to fly? Not for me. Actually I'm not so sure when I will have a chance to fly again. The last time was... erm...in 2006 to Bangkok for shopping? Ya it was that long ago. With my weak lungs and heart now, it will be even more dangerous to fly, due to the low air pressure during the flight.
I was reading the SMS diary which Yanli compiled for me during my stay in hospital, yesterday. It collected all the SMS updates with vivid descriptions which Desmond sent to Yanli and the girls during my most critical moments from Aug 2009 to Jan 2010. To read all that I have been through proved too much for me and I ended up trembling in fear. But reading it made me cherish what I have even more than ever.
So, it ok not to fly la. At least I can walk quite fast now.
Poetry Days
I was browsing through my old computer today and discovered that I used to have a erm... hobby. It is such a long time ago and almost forgot about it. I used to write poems between 2005 to 2007. And I actually have a large collection of them in my even older computer which crashed and I never recovered them.
Nevertheless, I still have 2 of them left and in case I lost them again, I shall post them here. But I think my English have a lot of room for improvement!
I written the first one in early 2007:
The Wind Mill
We all knew what we want; that’s why we came here
But at the first innocent glance; it wasn’t crystal clear
The foliages and blossoms, so colorful they blinded me
Distracted by the mystified sky, I know not what is mockery
Brawn and sturdy, the windmill stood
Barely oblivious, it did what it could
It can’t leave the lush; it felt it needed them
It was their immaculate glamour, that shaped its lifeless fans
The time has arrived. I am ready to run.
To race for the tireless blades; and all its glorious garland
But what stood in front, was a barren field
As now the mill turns, for the other in lieu
Arriving at the new town, I’m helplessly lost
‘Cause we were never far away but our paths never crossed
The second one was written in late 2007 to take part in a ST Life Home Renovation Competition. It was never published of coz.
Space @ My Humble Home
The smell of home is in the Air.
There is no luxury of space, nor splashes of lavish paint;
Not to mention, that its sense of modern cosmopolitance is faint.
But it is filled with sweet memories of nostalgic childhood;
Coupled with the simplicity of life and its all we asked for, if we could..
Tired of the colorful, vivid world,
And disheartened by what power and dollars can lure.
We yearn to return to a home of lush and serenity;
Affection and warmth… just you and me.
This unpolished piece of raw jade;
To us, it is already heaven-made.
What mattered is the love that went into its creation;
And the inherent affinity for bliss in this space.
We already have a dream…
And what we envisage that is not at all warped
It just needs the special magic wand, to power it up.
Nevertheless, I still have 2 of them left and in case I lost them again, I shall post them here. But I think my English have a lot of room for improvement!
I written the first one in early 2007:
The Wind Mill
We all knew what we want; that’s why we came here
But at the first innocent glance; it wasn’t crystal clear
The foliages and blossoms, so colorful they blinded me
Distracted by the mystified sky, I know not what is mockery
Brawn and sturdy, the windmill stood
Barely oblivious, it did what it could
It can’t leave the lush; it felt it needed them
It was their immaculate glamour, that shaped its lifeless fans
The time has arrived. I am ready to run.
To race for the tireless blades; and all its glorious garland
But what stood in front, was a barren field
As now the mill turns, for the other in lieu
Arriving at the new town, I’m helplessly lost
‘Cause we were never far away but our paths never crossed
The second one was written in late 2007 to take part in a ST Life Home Renovation Competition. It was never published of coz.
Space @ My Humble Home
The smell of home is in the Air.
There is no luxury of space, nor splashes of lavish paint;
Not to mention, that its sense of modern cosmopolitance is faint.
But it is filled with sweet memories of nostalgic childhood;
Coupled with the simplicity of life and its all we asked for, if we could..
Tired of the colorful, vivid world,
And disheartened by what power and dollars can lure.
We yearn to return to a home of lush and serenity;
Affection and warmth… just you and me.
This unpolished piece of raw jade;
To us, it is already heaven-made.
What mattered is the love that went into its creation;
And the inherent affinity for bliss in this space.
We already have a dream…
And what we envisage that is not at all warped
It just needs the special magic wand, to power it up.
I wished I was able to retrieve my previous collection of poems. Because I think I will not be able to do anything like that anymore
Saturday, October 9, 2010
A+ for Apple
The iPhone4 makes me dizzy during the first week I used it. The rapidly swiping pages up and down, left and right was too fast for my eyes. I also didnt like the computer style keypads as I now sms at least 3 times slower than when I was using dictionary texting on Nokia phones.
However, besides the easy interface for FB and emails, there are a few applications which I really liked:
1. SG NextBus and SG Buses: Predicts the arrival times of buses near where you are or specific buses at an user-input location. But they are not very accurate, usually predicts longer arrival times than actual.
2. ShowNearby: Use it to find nearby ATMs, bus stops, carpark, clinic, hotel, petrol station, and even supermarkets. Can become very useful when I am in need of something urgent.
3. Gothere.sg: I like this the best.. tells you the best way to travel from A to B, the cost and time required, including peak hour traffice considerations, erp charges and waiting time. There are four methods of travelling: By Bus, MRT, Cab and Drive. Shows directions for the cabby drivers too.
4. SG malls: Good for calling up shops to check whether certain stocks are available, prevents one from making a wasted trip.
5. Shazam: Tells you the song wherever you hear it, at shopping malls, on radio, on someone's ipod in the mrt..
Besides being a bit bulky and heavy, I essentially have no complains about the phone. Camera is good and easy to use. I should not be able to get lost anytime as long as I have the iPhone.
In any case, stupid people need smart phones.
However, besides the easy interface for FB and emails, there are a few applications which I really liked:
1. SG NextBus and SG Buses: Predicts the arrival times of buses near where you are or specific buses at an user-input location. But they are not very accurate, usually predicts longer arrival times than actual.
2. ShowNearby: Use it to find nearby ATMs, bus stops, carpark, clinic, hotel, petrol station, and even supermarkets. Can become very useful when I am in need of something urgent.
3. Gothere.sg: I like this the best.. tells you the best way to travel from A to B, the cost and time required, including peak hour traffice considerations, erp charges and waiting time. There are four methods of travelling: By Bus, MRT, Cab and Drive. Shows directions for the cabby drivers too.
4. SG malls: Good for calling up shops to check whether certain stocks are available, prevents one from making a wasted trip.
5. Shazam: Tells you the song wherever you hear it, at shopping malls, on radio, on someone's ipod in the mrt..
Besides being a bit bulky and heavy, I essentially have no complains about the phone. Camera is good and easy to use. I should not be able to get lost anytime as long as I have the iPhone.
In any case, stupid people need smart phones.
Friday, October 8, 2010
妈, 我回來了
Today I passed by Crystal Jade @ My Bread and Desmond asked me if I want to buy some 老婆饼. Crystal Jade makes the best and tastiest 老婆饼 in town and is also my Mum's favorite snack.
My first response in my mind, ya why not? Then after one sec, I realised she is already gone. It is a weird feeling but subconsciously, to me, she is still alive.
Mum's cancer relapsed in Oct 2009, two months after I was admitted to ICU. But because of my critical condition, I did not know of her situation. Whenever she visited me, she was always cheerful and looked healthy. I did not suspect anything. I got to know her condition only in Aug 2010 when I was discharged from hospital, just one month before she passed on.
I remembered her during her last week of ordeal. She could not eat, or sleep or pass urine. Due to liver failure, her skin and eyes were completely yellowed by jaundice, her feet swollen and she barely had strength to speak. Her breathing was laboured and occasionally dropped a tear.
On her death bed, everyone was around. We took turns to talk to her, out of which my father's speech touched me the most. Although she could not respond, I knew she heard what we said to her.
During my illness for the past year, my father visited and took care of me everyday, and she would be at home, alone and lonely. She did not complain, despite her health going downhill. She sacrified her life, for me. If not for me, my father and I would be at home, taking care of her and supporting her. If not for me, her health may not detoriate so fast. If not for me, she may have less stress and worry and they would become a catalyst to speed up for relapse. I feel really really sorry.
My first response in my mind, ya why not? Then after one sec, I realised she is already gone. It is a weird feeling but subconsciously, to me, she is still alive.
Mum's cancer relapsed in Oct 2009, two months after I was admitted to ICU. But because of my critical condition, I did not know of her situation. Whenever she visited me, she was always cheerful and looked healthy. I did not suspect anything. I got to know her condition only in Aug 2010 when I was discharged from hospital, just one month before she passed on.
I remembered her during her last week of ordeal. She could not eat, or sleep or pass urine. Due to liver failure, her skin and eyes were completely yellowed by jaundice, her feet swollen and she barely had strength to speak. Her breathing was laboured and occasionally dropped a tear.
On her death bed, everyone was around. We took turns to talk to her, out of which my father's speech touched me the most. Although she could not respond, I knew she heard what we said to her.
During my illness for the past year, my father visited and took care of me everyday, and she would be at home, alone and lonely. She did not complain, despite her health going downhill. She sacrified her life, for me. If not for me, my father and I would be at home, taking care of her and supporting her. If not for me, her health may not detoriate so fast. If not for me, she may have less stress and worry and they would become a catalyst to speed up for relapse. I feel really really sorry.
I thank God for letting me come home in time to support and see her before she go.
妈妈, 我好想你...放心去環遊世界吧
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